So we're getting to a point in our parenting career where setting boundaries is important and we have to do some disciplining.
Sometimes my educator background gets the better of me.
I want to take advantage of every teachable moment.
But I have to remember that our little guy, and his brain, are only 18 months old.
In an emotional moment, logic doesn't register.
When he first started testing his limits by throwing things or pulling the cat's tail, I attempted to teach by showing the disappointment in my face and using a firm tone.
Well, unfortunately Brady found this amusing and would repeat the behavior to continue to get the attention and the same response.
Not the outcome I was going for.
So, I changed my perspective and decided to think like a one year-old.
He isn't doing things to deliberately misbehave.
He's learning what's okay and what's not and wants attention from his two favorite people.
Here's how we handle some of the discipline situations we come across these days.
Throwing a toy
This really isn't happening nearly as much since I stopped making a big deal about it.
If he does throw a toy I calmly pick it up, put it back on the shelf and say, "All done (drum, puzzle, etc.)"
When this does happen, it seems he's looking to get my attention. So I take the "time-in" approach.
After picking up the toy and explaining he's done with it, we sit together quietly for a few minutes and look at books.
This gets the point across that he can't keep playing with something after he throws it, shows him how to be gentle with it and gives him the attention he's craving.
Throwing food
At about 16 months old, Brady started quickly swiping his hands across his highchair tray and scattering his food in every direction. When he first started doing this, we would firmly tell him "No!," take away the tray and have him be finished eating. After handling it that way he would get this glint in his eye, look to see if we were watching, swipe the food off the tray and mimic our "Nooo!".
Again, not the result we were looking for.
So this behavior too has seemed to subside when we stopped making it a big deal.
For a few weeks I would watch for "the glint," remove the tray before he had a chance to swipe and continue with dinner a couple pieces of food at a time.
Without a big reaction, the novelty of that behavior has seemed to wear off and we don't end up with a hungry boy who didn't get to eat any dinner.
If he does throw food, when he's finished, I set him down and instruct, "Pick up." He hands it to me and we move on.
Pulling on the cat
This action occasionally has its own natural consequences. The cat will sometimes swipe or nip at Brady if he's being less than gentle. This scares him and deters the behavior.
When the cat's behavior isn't an effective deterrent, we simply say, "Gentle." And redirect him to something else.
We're also purposeful about making sure we praise him when he is being gentle petting the cat or giving hugs.
Tantrums/Yelling
So far Brady isn't much prone to tantrums. And when he does cry out of frustration it's short-lived. We don't try to reason with him when he's upset. When he's calm we say, "That was frustrating." or "I know you're disappointed." And then provide an alternative to whatever it is he was wanting and couldn't have.
If he's yelling (usually "UP!") I get down to his level and quietly say, "I can't help you when you yell."
He immediately responds more quietly and politely.
Thankfully we haven't come across much aggressive behavior toward us or other children. If/when we do, we address it in much the same way bringing as little attention to the negative behavior as possible, redirecting and providing a positive alternative.
I'm a firm believer in positive discipline techniques. And I take most of how I handle things from training in Love and Logic and Conscious Discipline (if you have a chance to check out these resources, I highly recommend.) I absolutely feel that positive parenting is NOT permissive parenting and that respect generates more respect. I hope you'll find these tips helpful and be encouraged to take a "golden rule" approach when handling unwanted behavior with the toddlers in your life.
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