"I'll be back soon!": Coping with Toddler Separation Anxiety

 

Separation anxiety is something we'll  be experiencing this weekend. We'll be leaving Brady with family for the first time overnight while we have a night out for our anniversary. 

As excited as I am for a much needed night away, I'm experiencing some separation anxiety myself. 

The last few days have been a battle between my head telling me all will be fine and my heart feeling the tug of being away from my little guy for a whole night. 

But anyway, this post is about toddler separation anxiety, not mamas'. 

Baby center has a great article, here about why separation anxiety occurs and how to cope. It has some interesting information about "representational thinking" (being able to picture items without seeing them) and "object permanence" (knowing that something is still there when it can't be seen). Both of these cognitive developments play a role in the occurrence of separation anxiety. 

The article states, "Now that your child is bigger...he falls apart whenever you head to the bathroom without him, his attachment seems downright obsessive."   

This sounds very familiar and has been part of daily life with Brady especially since he has been walking and discovering his independence. 

I recently made this Family and Friends book for him. He loves to look at it, pointing at people (he especially loves the grandmas) and having us name them. I plan to send the book with him when he stays with family. This way he can see familiar faces of mama, dada and other family and friends if he feels anxious or sad. 
This great tool for separation anxiety is of course also great for language and literacy development. 
Other tips for helping to ease separation anxiety include:
1. Waving bye-bye: this helps eliminate surprises and reassures your child you won't disappear without notice.
2. Use a transitional object (lovey): We'll be sending many familiar items with Brady, especially the blankets and "moo cow" he's used to sleeping with.
3. Be positive: If your child is verbal you can use silly phrases like "after while crocodile" or any other you find catchy. 
4. Validate feelings: It's important to label emotions. If your child cries tell them, "I understand you're feeling sad and that's okay." Follow this up with reassurance that you will return, they will have fun, and you and their other caregivers love them. 

Leaving your child in the loving arms of someone else is never easy. But I will be telling myself this weekend and will tell you that nothing is permanent. Some time away to regroup and refresh can be good for everybody. And it's all a part of raising an emotionally secure, happy child.